My house is a wreck!

I babysit a little girl, Ella, on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  She arrives around 7 am.  When Brynnen gets up around 7:30 the chaos begins.  I'm only 1/2 kidding.  We have breakfast, and play, have snack and play- if it's nice outside we go outside or to the park, we come back and play- you get the idea.  This continues until lunch time.  They eat and take a nap- and I take a breath.  Ahhhhhh, with a smile on my face.  Then comes the clean up.  Some days, whew- I don't know what I was thinking letting them play without cleaning up.  Oh yes, now I remember...

I was convicted of neglecting the girls to clean house- neglect is probably not the right word, but I would let them play alone and do everything I needed  wanted to get done.  Don't get me wrong, I think it's healthy for kids to play alone, but I was missing out on a lot of fun, teachable time.  I was convicted.  That's when I decided we could play and play and I would clean while they napped.  We had/have a lot of fun :)

So, couple months ago Ella came like normal, it was probably a Monday, because I like to relax on the weekends (by relax I mean not clean)- sometimes it shows.  Like that day.  Ella showed up, when Brynnen woke up she had a fever- or Ella developed one?  I don't remember, but one of them was sick, but it didn't stop them for a minute.  We played all morning, about lunch time I realized how messy my house was:  I had started laundry, so there was a pile of clothes on the couch, toys all over the floor, dishes in the sink, cluttered counter, mail- you name it, that day was out of place.  As I was evaluating I hear DING DONGGGG (doorbell).  ????  Who is at my door? I wasn't expecting anyone, maybe just a packa...nope, Ella's dad (& sister)...RIINNNGGG (my phone doesn't ring- but you get it), Sara, Ella's mom was calling me, letting me know Joe, Ella's dad is getting Ella. (thanks for the warning Sara!).  He was already there, so we laughed and hung up.  OH.MY.WORD.  I let them in.  Completely mortified.  I don't like people in my house when it's messy- let alone dirty like a tornado hit it- especially someone that trusts me with the well-being of their child.  I wanted to say "It's normally not like this, I clean during nap time- I promise I'm not like this!"  But I didn't- I got Ella's stuff & and acted like no biggie.  When they left I vowed then and there my house would stay picked up.  NEVER would I be caught off guard again.  I make the girls clean up whatever they play with and put back toys when they are done.  Weekends we do the same.  Now, when that doorbell rings, I am confident and will (hopefully) never again be embarrassed by my actions-- or lack of them!!

I share this humbling story because it fits our lives so well.  I'm sure we can all think of a time we just weren't ready for something.  a deadline, a presentation, a trip, a visitor....  Last week our Pastor preached on Matthew 24, the end of days and the unknown hour for the return of Christ.  This incident has been replaying over and over in my head since.  What if my house represented my life and/or heart condition and the unexpected door bell ring was Jesus returning-  would I be ready?  Or would I be overwhelmed and embarrassed.  Is my heart and life so cluttered with "stuff" that I would have to again say "It's normally not like this, I "clean" during quiet time- I promise I'm not like this!"   Only difference...at that time no one gets a second chance or a vow to do better.  We don't get a warning phone call, e-mail, status update or tweet letting us know when to be ready.  We must stay alert, hearts & minds ready for his return!

 1 John 2:28 "...continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming."  I thought that was very fitting.  :)

God doesn't care how "messy" you are- you don't have to clean up first, give your mess to Him, he can handle- He will help you work through it, clean it up and most importantly- He is the only way you can be ready!

Matthew 24:44 says "So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."  Today is the day to start "cleaning up" and vow to be ready when He comes.  That's what I am doing--we can do it together!

Good intentions aren't always enough.

You've probably read or heard me say something about my thoughts on TOMS shoes.  Well- I will explain in as few words as possible.

I think TOMS shoes are super cute, I've heard their comfort is incomparable, AND they give a pair of shoes to the poor with every purchase- clearly a win-win right??  Yes, if you are Blake Mycoskie the founder of TOMS.  I research most things that I purchase, so this was no different.  I was pretty surprised at the findings of this company I would be supporting.

First off, I think $54 for a pair of casual shoes is completely ridiculous.  However, I reminded myself, they do give away a pair of shoes for every pair ordered.  In that case it's $27 per pair, I could talk myself into "helping" out the poor for $27.

Next up, what is this company about?   Most people (myself included) probably don't research company backgrounds.  I knew everyone just loves Toms, but why?  I had heard a few things about the company, one being a big ordeal with Focus on the Family (FF), which is an organization we love and support, but I needed to see myself.  You can click here to read an article on what Blake (TOMS founder) had to say about FF.  If you google it, you will find hundreds of articles.  Basically he (Blake) doesn't want to partner with FF, even though the impact of the partnership would help SO many more people in poverty! A website, change.org, spear headed the attack with a band of pro-gay, anti-Christian people.  This group was upset about the partnership & Blake speaking at an event for FF.  They and threatened to stop buying TOMS products- seriously, over the biblical beliefs and claims Focus on the Family upheld.  He (Blake) told the gay community he was sorry, and started "distancing" himself from FF.  Too bad Christians didn't have the same response and stop purchasing TOMS because of his "remorseful apology" to the gay community and actions toward FF. 

That alone would be enough for me to cancel my shoe-buying endeavor, but there's more.


Mycoskie (TOMS founder), seems to be a Buddhist.  I've never actually read a comment of him claiming it, his blog talks about various books he has read written by Buddhists (blake's blog) and his favorite quote is from Gandhi, the most famous Buddhist (blakes bio) - not to mention on that "bio" link (on TOMS page) it shows 4 stages of evolution, each in TOMS shoes....and no mention of Jesus or even Christianity. 

Does being Buddhist make your product or ethics awful?  No, but I think people/Christians don't know the entire story of what they are purchasing.  I would rather invest in something a little more substantial.  Support a good cause, that holds my same values- not an over priced, outsourced, swayed by sales or others that wear it, product.

I've done research, and don't like the results.  I have chosen to purchase PAEZ shoes, I like the company and honesty, you can click here to read about them.  They are not a Christian based organization, they make the original shoes from Argentina, where TOMS creator got the idea, made by locals in Argentina (where TOMS was first produced, and then moved to China & Ethiopia).  PAEZ shoes are cheaper than TOMS, whose  start at $54 and go up to $98!  PAEZ are about $25 up to $38.  Wait!  Don't forget the pair for a pair offer TOMS has.  After all, it's the good intention that sold us on the shoes anyway, right?? Solution: Soles4Souls.  Christian organization. $1 for 1 pair of shoes to be donated to the poor.  So you can take the additional $16 to $29 you save from purchasing PAEZ instead of TOMS and go to Soles4Souls.and donate multiple pairs of shoes!

BOTTOM LINE: for $54 (or less) you can have an awesome pair of shoes, hand made in Argentina-where the shoe originated, keeping jobs for the locals- boosting their economy, donate 16-29 pairs of shoes through a Christian based organization, who is not ashamed to work with organizations with a high moral, biblical foundation.    Sounds pretty good to me!


PS- I have no vested interest in the sales of either company- this is purely my opinion and research.

The oldest man I knew...

My grandfather (grampa) Paul C Kanagy lived to be 88 years old!  I don't know anyone else that old wise ;) I'm sure I do, but I couldn't list 1 off the top of my head.  Grampa K was the first of his/our immediate family to pass.  He and Gramma (Louella, Brynnen's name sake) have been married for over 62 years!!  They have 106 descendents? family members? people between them: 9 children, 7 spouses, 34 grandkids, 19 grand-spouses and 35 great-grandkids!!  Not to mention the engagements & babies on the way!! Out of those, not one single death in 62 years, that alone is amazing!  To say God has blessed our family is an understatement.

Not only did Grampa have 105 other people in his family, he could remember each and every person's name.  I was told that during his hospital stay, each time someone came in he would grin and call them by name- and then ask, (by name) where their spouse and/or kids were.  A solid mind after all those kids years, haha.  Again, blessing is an understatement.

We didn't get a chance to speak to grampa before he met Jesus, but I think he knew we were there.  Stephen, Brynnen and I got to Riverside Hospital (in Ohio) about 10pm on Monday December 19th.  My dad had told me several times that day Grampa was tired, he couldn't get rest (Oh, how I know hospitals are NOT restful!), so I was very thankful they had given him a shot to help him sleep through all the commotion.  He had been sleeping for about 5 1/2 hours when we arrived.  I didn't waste any time hugging Gramma and taking a seat on the other side of the bed.  I tousled his hair,(just like every other time, only this time he couldn't swat my hand- "Ha" I told him "one up for me!"  He was such a playful guy, you couldn't help but having fun when he was around).  I sat down, took Grampa's hand, and just gazed at him- choking back tears.  I had never seen my grampa anything but on the go, between barn chores, a garden and general house maintenance, he was always tinkering with something.  Shoot, just this summer I had to get on him for painting his deck in the 90+ heat!  Stubborn, that's a good word for him.  :)

I didn't want to talk very loud, I knew he needed rest- we'd been there about 10 minutes when Gramma said "I think he's trying to wake up!"  I was sitting there holding his hand, talking to Amie and Aunt Bonnie- when I looked over, Grampa was now turned toward me-  eye's partially opened- but not looking at me, I could only see the whites (yes it was a little weird). What?  Oh no!  I said "Grampa, stop- we'll be here tomorrow, you need rest!"  I have felt the terrible affects of taking a sleeping pill only to be woken up 30 minutes later, and this was WAY stronger stuff!  

The next morning I baked some cinnamon rolls we picked up the night before, filled a thermos with some fresh, semi-strong coffee (G&G don't make strong coffee, but the rest of us do, perfect compromise), I was pretty excited to get over there & surprise everyone with these goodies- and see the sweetest man I knew. 

On the way I got a message from Amie
"Where are you?"
"On our way, is he up and at 'em?"
"No, and the nurses don't think he will be"

It didn't matter how many times I re-read it- it didn't make sense.  Of course he would, it's Grampa- surely he won't die.  Now I felt silly since I had a pan of hot cinnamon rolls and a thermos full of coffee.  It was so awkward at first, because there were so many people in the room- but once I tuned them out I was able to talk to Grampa, tell him goodbye, thank him for being such a wonderful role model to so many.  I also scolded him, because I told him he could leave until I had twins--and clearly, I do not have them. Stubborn. ;)

You always wonder how you are going to get through something life changing, and when it happens, you may look back amazed.  I learned this week- God gives you grace, just enough, at the perfect time.  At Grampa's viewing and funeral you didn't see a bunch of burdened faces and uncontrollable crying (what I pictured I would be like years ago).  Yes we already missed Grampa, but we know where he is.  It is only our selfishness that would want him here, believe me I do--but I know he would never choose to come back- neither would I!!  We celebrated his life, we told stories and laughed-  at one point, my grandmother whispered to my dad "Do you think I'm smiling too much?"  (He chuckled and said "No") What a sweet heart, we had everyone that could make it in town- a reunion not planned but definitely enjoyed.  I've never spent so much time with my cousins, aunts, uncles, second cousins, great aunts and uncles, friends of family, etc- what a blessing that was.  Not to be rushed, but to actually have multiple conversations with the same person (With 107 people, when we are all together it's never more than a weekend and if you want to talk to everyone, one conversation, about 15 minutes is all you get!), what a special memory in itself. 

So Gramma, I agree with dad-- You smile all you want!  Your husband is in the presence of our King!  I know days of crying and missing him will come, so for now- You smile and laugh and remember the beautiful moments you shared, alone and with the people who loved you both!  I love you so much, and am looking forward to the day we get to sing praises to our God together! 

My heart is forever changed.

I'm sure most of us have compassion for 3rd world countries.  We see the videos of children with no clothes,  shoes, food, water- you name it- they probably don't have it.  I've donated here or there, but was pretty happy with my comfy cozy life.  Sometimes I even consider life tough (still do), but I don't even know the meaning of tough.  I've never had to wear the same clothes 2 days in a row let alone months.  I've never been more that a few hours from a tummy rumbling.  I've never had to walk miles for dirty contaminated water- I sometimes even scoff that all I have to drink in the house is water.  Clean, good for your body water.

11/11/11 will be marked as a day that changed my life.  Children of the World (COTW) choir sang at our church (Chilhowee Hills Baptist) and Vernon Brewer spoke.  What really did me in was the documentary they showed.  Like I said before, I've seen dozens of these that offer a few "aw, so sad" or even a flip of the channel.  This was different.  I don't know if I'm older, at a different place in my walk with God or because I have a daughter.  Whatever it was, this MESSED ME UP! (In a good way). 

This is THE video-click here to see BABY RESCUE

We had the privilege of hosting 2 of the COTW girls, Stephanie, 11 from Philippines & Urmila, 10 from Nepal.  We had them from Friday around 5:30 until this morning at 8 am.  They had a lot of rehearsal, so we didn't have a lot of down time, but the moments we did will be cherished.  :)

If you know me well, you know I'm obsessed with hearing where people came from.  Different events that have shaped who they are (good and bad).  I ask a million questions.  However, the one thing we couldn't talk about with the children was the one thing I desperately wanted to know.  Their past.  What was their country like?  Who did they leave behind?  What did their house look like?  What was their daily events, schedule, customs?  The leaders didn't want us asking simply because these children did not had happy, sweet childhood memories.  They are all orphans or disadvantaged children (extreme poverty).  Boy, you could never tell it.  They laugh and play, sing and dance- they know all about Selena Gomez and her boyfriend Justin Bieber.  They love painting nails and eating hotdogs (and rice).  Even now I can't hold back tears picturing what these sweet children will return home to.  

This is Urmila being silly.  She LOVED being on camera, even though she got shy once she knew it was on her.  Then she wanted to watch herself (who doesn't, right) ;) 




Stephen and I were both hit pretty hard by the message we heard.  We've already made some changes regarding Christmas and gifts, ect.  I think it's time to take it up a notch.  We can't be half way followers of Christ.  He said to give everything, so why am I holding back.  I give only til it gets snug- not til it hurts.  Well, I can tell you my heart is hurting.  I can't sit here and do nothing.

Maybe that is what caught my attention about the video we watched, I had met children from the extreme poverty that this organization helps.  I have seen first hand the joy of following God's commands (to care for the widows, orphans, poor and needy).  It is the most beautiful heartbreak I have ever had.  My life has forever been changed.

This has been an emotional day for me.  Crying most of the day, my sweet baby says "Whaaa maa'er mommy?? Whaa maa'er?"  How do you tell an almost 2 y/o about children her same age, older and younger are dying because they don't have the things she will one day take for granted??  You can't (until she's older).  So I simply told her "Mommy's heart hurts honey" - not that she knows, although it was super cute that she gave me a kiss and said "all better".