Nine words with a question mark. Simple right? Right! Unless it’s a message for you from God…then it’s probably more like a slap in the face!!
Last Sunday morning, our Pastor (Mark) asked “Are you serving God, or are you serving you?” Yes, those nine little words (and the question mark) were about to rock my world.
“Am I serving God, or am I serving me?” Huh? What? Serving me? Ha, yeah right, with all I do? I clean, cook, change diapers, find bargains, work in the nursery, volunteer as much as possible, etc- of course I wasn’t serving me...right? RIGHT??
Instantly blurps from the last 13 months of my life played right in front of my eyes. Statements I’d previously said replayed in my head- things like “this isn’t what I had planned”, and “I don’t really like to clean up after everybody EVERYDAY”, oh and “I like to GO to work and be busy.” Wait just a second…I am busy, and I have plenty of work that I do (laundry is waiting for me as I type this, I need to clean up our dinner mess, etc) and Brynnen – well if you’ve ever been around a toddler…you know the needs- play, eat, read, make a mess, have a snack, play, eat, more mess- you get the picture. So I certainly am busy…but I stay home to work and it does not result in something instantly gratifying, no big paycheck for me at the end of the week, no bonus, no paid holidays, rarely even days off.
That’s what it boiled down to- in this world of immediate satisfaction, I got sucked in. I was a SAHM (stay at home mom) that wasn’t “helping” her family. Sure, occasionally I see results of things I teach Brynnen- but that type of “work” doesn’t buy a new outfit or send us on a vacation; it doesn’t pay for a weekly pedicure or those cute shoes I saw last week. Nope, being a parent is about the farthest thing from instant gratification. Oh and that paycheck for your labor?- ha, yeah right. [Maybe that’s why some people let their TV, or school, or “a community” to raise a child, (since that’s what it takes right?? Hilary Clinton? – please note the italics mean sarcasm)]
I was so caught up in what I wasn’t doing (bringing in extra money), that I lost sight of what God called me to do— “raise my child in the way she should go, so when she is old she will not turn from it” Proverbs 22:6 (I traded he for she for application). I am to be the keeper of my house because, again, that is what God called me to do (Titus 2:4-5). Not only that, but being focused on things I wasn’t doing, robbed me of the joy for what I was doing, providing a safe haven, comfortable, happy home.
Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for this life God has granted-- but as I learn to let go of MY wants and focus on what God has for me, I get to experience a new joy-- the true purpose for cooking, cleaning, changing diapers and being a super awesome wife ;) I am to honor my God, our Lord in Savior in everything, EV-VAH-REE-THING that I do. Besides, all that other stuff…the stuff money can buy—well, it doesn’t come close to the stuff I experience every day, the good stuff that life is really made of!!! Check out Philippians 3.
Oh, and this also doesn’t mean those thoughts will never creep back into my mind—but when they do, I am ready—“I’m not serving you Kari, I’m serving your creator”