My heart is forever changed.

I'm sure most of us have compassion for 3rd world countries.  We see the videos of children with no clothes,  shoes, food, water- you name it- they probably don't have it.  I've donated here or there, but was pretty happy with my comfy cozy life.  Sometimes I even consider life tough (still do), but I don't even know the meaning of tough.  I've never had to wear the same clothes 2 days in a row let alone months.  I've never been more that a few hours from a tummy rumbling.  I've never had to walk miles for dirty contaminated water- I sometimes even scoff that all I have to drink in the house is water.  Clean, good for your body water.

11/11/11 will be marked as a day that changed my life.  Children of the World (COTW) choir sang at our church (Chilhowee Hills Baptist) and Vernon Brewer spoke.  What really did me in was the documentary they showed.  Like I said before, I've seen dozens of these that offer a few "aw, so sad" or even a flip of the channel.  This was different.  I don't know if I'm older, at a different place in my walk with God or because I have a daughter.  Whatever it was, this MESSED ME UP! (In a good way). 

This is THE video-click here to see BABY RESCUE

We had the privilege of hosting 2 of the COTW girls, Stephanie, 11 from Philippines & Urmila, 10 from Nepal.  We had them from Friday around 5:30 until this morning at 8 am.  They had a lot of rehearsal, so we didn't have a lot of down time, but the moments we did will be cherished.  :)

If you know me well, you know I'm obsessed with hearing where people came from.  Different events that have shaped who they are (good and bad).  I ask a million questions.  However, the one thing we couldn't talk about with the children was the one thing I desperately wanted to know.  Their past.  What was their country like?  Who did they leave behind?  What did their house look like?  What was their daily events, schedule, customs?  The leaders didn't want us asking simply because these children did not had happy, sweet childhood memories.  They are all orphans or disadvantaged children (extreme poverty).  Boy, you could never tell it.  They laugh and play, sing and dance- they know all about Selena Gomez and her boyfriend Justin Bieber.  They love painting nails and eating hotdogs (and rice).  Even now I can't hold back tears picturing what these sweet children will return home to.  

This is Urmila being silly.  She LOVED being on camera, even though she got shy once she knew it was on her.  Then she wanted to watch herself (who doesn't, right) ;) 




Stephen and I were both hit pretty hard by the message we heard.  We've already made some changes regarding Christmas and gifts, ect.  I think it's time to take it up a notch.  We can't be half way followers of Christ.  He said to give everything, so why am I holding back.  I give only til it gets snug- not til it hurts.  Well, I can tell you my heart is hurting.  I can't sit here and do nothing.

Maybe that is what caught my attention about the video we watched, I had met children from the extreme poverty that this organization helps.  I have seen first hand the joy of following God's commands (to care for the widows, orphans, poor and needy).  It is the most beautiful heartbreak I have ever had.  My life has forever been changed.

This has been an emotional day for me.  Crying most of the day, my sweet baby says "Whaaa maa'er mommy?? Whaa maa'er?"  How do you tell an almost 2 y/o about children her same age, older and younger are dying because they don't have the things she will one day take for granted??  You can't (until she's older).  So I simply told her "Mommy's heart hurts honey" - not that she knows, although it was super cute that she gave me a kiss and said "all better".

What's that saying?

You know that saying "Can't see the forest for the trees" - you only notice the BIG stuff (the forest) and miss the SMALL stuff (the trees) or another could be "Can't see the forest in the trees" - you miss the BIG stuff (the forest) because you are focused on the SMALL stuff (the trees).

Nothing to do with the forest---We moved to Knoxville, TN over a year ago from Huntsville, AL- before that we lived in Seymour (a town south of Knoxville).  I miss the breath taking view of the mountains we had there.  Every time we would pop over the main hill- past Kroger, if you've ever been there, you know what I'm talkin about...Whhhhhhhhheeeewww, we were blown away by the panoramic mountainous view, GORGEOUS- oh and the random, ugly golden arches.  Not kidding, probably would have been a page on a calendar if it weren't for those gaudy arches, even now I roll my eyes just thinking about it. Ha.  You get the idea- I LOVE seeing God's handiwork every day.  If I could, I would have a HUGE front porch with rocking chairs facing the mountains, I'd probably  never leave.  Sure, now we live in the "country" so I get to see a tiny bit of scenery driving "in to town" if Stephen is driving & I'm' not doing anything else.  It's one of those "if you blink, you miss it."  Sad day.

Man, I miss those mountains. 

The other day I was driving home "the long way" (we live in the middle of 2 Hwy's so we usually go the short way unless we need something from the other side aka "the long way" - difference being all of about 5 mins).  Anyway, I saw a sweet little mountain range, peaking over the trees, in the direction of our house.  Hmmm, weird- never noticed that before.  I made a point to watch as I continued driving, but got distracted & completely forgot about it.  Until today.  Wednesday.  Baby bookworm day @ the Carter library.  Pulling out I saw this...

Seriously?!  How long has that been there!  Clearly I know it wasn't added last night while we were sleeping, but why had it taken me 14 months & 25 days to notice it??  I knew we had a few hills around us, but a mountain? Come on!  That's Amazing.  "Can't see the mountain in the hills"?  Ha ha. It's not huge, but it makes me smile- even with houses, buildings and the undeveloped lots.  I'm pretending it's just for me.  By far, best thing about Mascot. :)  I'm smiling now looking at the pic, not sure if it's b/c there is a mountain by our house, or because I feel silly just noticing it. Ha either way, I'll take it! :)

Back to the forest--You ever feel like that with life?  You've got some much going on, problems all around (or maybe just one).  You're thinking, "God, please get me out of here"- and He will, in His timing.  All you see is frustration, unsolved issues, ends not meeting, time not cooperating (a whole day gone, and nothing finished??? been there!).  Then, out of the cloudiness all around you comes light, clarity and peace. Ahhh, a breath of air.  And what's this?  A new perspective, new attitude, gained wisdom, and probably some patience taught?  You see the problems, God sees the work in your heart.  He is slowly completing HIS masterpiece.  Virtues added in the mist of a crisis (sometimes simply called life).  Problems will come back my friend, people will disappoint you-again, sickness comes and goes, money may or may not fade away- all those are disposable anyway.  Those little nuggets of "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control**,"  will NEVER return void and will carry you through next issues.    I like to say here "Can't see the masterpiece in the paint" He's not through with you friend, don't give up, give it to Jesus. 

**Galatians 5:22-23   

fall, bedtime & God's love.

Here it is...my FAVORITE season.  MMM I love hoodies, boots, fall smells & tastes, playing outside after dinner and cuddling under blankets with hot chocolate!  Yes, I'm excited for Fall!


Another favorite...bedtime with Brynnen!

Stephen and I have started putting Brynnen to bed together, one of us rocks her, the other prays, each night we switch.  Recently I have been holding/rocking Brynn as long as possible each night.  I close my eyes and breathe deep, a smile creeps across my face as I am reminded this is the only time I get to hold her like this.  Sure she will come say "I hold you" (meaning she wants me to hold her) or climb on my lap while we relax after dinner- but that lasts about 30 seconds then something else has her attention.  So back to the rocking chair, cuddling with my baby girl reminds me what a sweet blessing she is.  I love everything about her, her beautiful eyes, her silly grin, the way she laughs & says "sill-wee dad-dee" when they play together.  Ohhhh, I could squeeze her and never want to let her go.  God gave us the sweetest angel ever.  (I don't mean angel as if she never gets in trouble, but like created heavenly being).  I've never encountered an angel that I know of, but I tell you what, that little girl has to be pretty close!  

Her sin nature shows often, her newest being "NO! MINE-T" (yes she says mine with a "t" on the end).  Where did she even learn that??  There are times when she doesn't get her way she'll throw herself on the floor, or pout- but even the worst days of continual whining, disobeying and getting into things, is completely washed away when I cuddle her before bed and I can't wait to spend tomorrow with her.  I can't even explain it.  How can I have so much love in my heart for something so small!  As we sit there I'm reminded of Christ's love for us.  I love that I can demonstrate His love to her by being patient, teaching her right things, and even singing praise with her.  (Her "Jesus loves me" is "gee-sus, gee-sus gee-sus" it makes me smile, especially when she follows that with "elmo worrrd").  SO grateful for this "little crazy" God has blessed us with.

If I feel this way about 1 child, think how big God's heart has to be to contain all the love He has for us!  Think how even the "worst of the worst" offenders (myself included) can be completely washed clean, daily!  He loves us SO much, He gave us the ability to love, so imagine how much more He loves us.  Wow.   Humbling.  Freeing.  Amazing.

This is what I asked for...

Yesterday we started the SAHM's (Stay-at-home-mom) bible study.  Every one I have ever attended (this being my 2nd) has been a Beth Moore study.  This one on David.  I really like David, I feel like if a world-class screw up (pardon the rough language) like him can be called "a man after God's own heart" - well then there's hope for us.  I feel like God put him in that particular position to show "your heart doesn't have to be  perfect, you just have to bring all of it" for God to use you.  That's a direct quote form B-Moore herself.  Another good one is "there is a country mile difference between appeasing God and pleasing God."  Wooo, isn't that the truth. We also talked about things we ask for, and may or may not like the outcome (even though we asked for it).

I have been praying for sometime to be used in the lives of others.  I love people, as if you didn't know.  LOVE people, their hearts, what they think, where they have been and most importantly where they are going (with God's guidance).  God sure answered prayers, one of them in a way I could never have guessed.  I asked for Him to allow me to cross paths with a young person I can influence, in a positive way.  Well He gave me 13 of 'em! 



I am a middle school volleyball coach.  Ha.  Yes it's true, I'm not even kidding.  It's a lot of work, but I like it, I'm actually starting to like the girls too!  Ha ha, seriously, kidding!  These girls are between the 5th & 8th grade.  Yes they are loud, and talk way too much, goof off and get attitudes, but it's so fun to sit back and watch them interact.  To see them help, encourage and love each other.  I love the excitement they get when they do something well.  The intensity when they are trying to focus and work hard.  It's sweet how much they adore Brynnen and treat her like a sweet baby sister, well maybe a niece -nicer than siblings would be :)  I have to remind myself what 8th grade was like...oh, we were super cool, sitting at the back of the bus.  We giggled and shared lip gloss, didn't have a care in the world, besides what we were wearing tomorrow and what cute boy passed us a note during class.  Times have changed so much since I was in the 8th grade.  It breaks my heart realizing some of the things middle schoolers have to deal with.  So much divorce, death, sickness, and pressure in this God-less world.  A lot of people say "oh to be young again" I think I'd like to keep my 28 years thanks!

I didn't realize at first why I said yes to this job, I still can't even tell you how it came about.  I do know, I now have 13 extra blessings that I am SO thankful for, 14 if you include sweet Kayli that comes to watch Brynnen during practice. :)   I was expecting college age, but I am grateful God answered prayers in the only way He can...absolutely perfect! 

(A picture to come!) 

Kids now-a-days, I tell ya....

Anytime I take Brynnen to the grocery story there are always several people that say "Hi" or interact with her.  Occasionally she will yell "Hi" or "Hi Freeeennn!" (hi friend) until the person, who has no clue this random toddler is saying hi and not throwing a fit, notices her.  The other day was no different.  I was unloading my groceries on the belt when this man got in line behind us and started talking to Brynnen.  After the groceries were out of the cart, I joined the "conversation", he said something to her that required a thank you- all I had to do (in my serious mommy voice) was say "Brrryynnnen"  she responded "Tain-too" (thank you).  That lead to a conversation about manners, and how disrespectful and self centered most children are now-a-days.  What happened??  We went from "yes sir/yes ma'am" to "ugh, whatever!" in a matter of 2 generations.  I wish I could blame it completely on these kids, but then I see grown men and women with the poor, self serving attitudes and I'm reminded of the sad culture we have created.  We allow children to be rude/disrespectful, not only to their parents and elders, but even friends or people they don't know.  Then we have the sweet, respectable parents, with terrible children, I'm not talking about toddlers, I'm talking 6 up through teenagers that have ZERO manners.   So I ask again WHAT HAPPENED??

One explanation: God has been taken out of everything except the church (and even in some cases, that's debatable!!).  We are sinners by nature, only by reflecting God's perfection can we even begin to show love and respect to one another, including strangers.  I also blame the media.  The media portrays the elderly as a burden (Talladega Nights scene comes to mind) , parents as idiots that let kids do and have whatever they want (again Talladega Nights, Housewives of Orange County, I could go on and on).   We allow it.  TURN IT OFF, change the channel, monitor what your children watch, this is what is influencing our future leaders!

Even magazines are teaching parents to "just go with it".  I had (key word HAD) subscribed to Family Circle, what I thought was a Christian magazine (I am almost positive we got it when I was younger...).  Anyway, the first issue I read had an article on throwing a tween/teen birthday party "that's safe, fun and controlled-while winning some serious parent points", first sign this would be a terrible article.  PS Parents, you are the adult, you shouldn't be "earning points" from your children.  I'm not saying there is anything wrong with doing nice things for them, but this is how society has changed roles.  Instead of kids trying to "earn points" for rewards such as eating out, family vacation, or choice of movie, we now have parents trying so hard to please their children.  (Serious eye rolling here).  The article continues instructions to allow the kids to dj, and I quote "Okay, so you may have to listen to Lady Gaga and Kanye West over and over.  Even if some lyrics seem offensive, there are more important things to worry about.." Are you kidding me??  Let's try that again, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!  Why are your children even allowed to listen to that trash??  (Do you lead by example here parents?????)

I can't even move past this, because I am so appalled that an editor would even allow this ridiculousness in the magazine.  "Even if some lyrics are offensive"- Really?? What kind of parent allows their very mold-able child(ren) to listen to offensive lyrics.  More parents just think "it's a phase" or don't want to hear the whining/screaming/slamming or whatever else kids these days do when parents make tough decisions the kid doesn't like.  Well you are right, it could be a phase, but aren't you glad I don't let my toddler run around hitting, scratching and biting- hoping "it's just a phase"???

The bible says "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (Proverbs 22:6).  Train a child, and when he is old, are the 2 phrases that stick out- it doesn't give specific ages.  I am 28 years old and my parents call me their child (well more often refer to the 3 kids of us as "children").  That doesn't mean my parents still tell me what to do, although, I do seek advice sometimes, but it does mean until that child is out of your house, no matter the age YOU are responsible for their training, aka attitude, aka behavior.  It doesn't say "train up until 10, then let them figure it out"....in phases, of course. (yes you can giggle here, I did) :)

 I am by no means a perfect parent, uh, hello, have you been around her recently??-haha .  Seriously tho, I don't have a teenager, I realize this, but it has to start young.  You don't play pee-wee football, skip jr high, high school & college to be drafted.  I pray daily for Brynnen's heart as she grows.  I pray for grace and wisdom for Stephen and I as we lead her.  I know what I expect and I am willing to work hard to train her in the way she should go.  She is learning, I mean she's only been here for 18 months, we'll give her a few more ;) (wink)  Oh, and I can't take all the credit, her daddy is a ESSENTIAL part of the process. 

I could go on and on, but I'll end with this:  Let's put God back in the center of our family.  If you have made mistakes in the past, own up to them- tell your child(ren) there is going to be a new way of doing things (God's way), and be consistent.  It will be hard, especially at first, you'll want to give in to hush them up, but don't.  Pray for wisdom, for you and the kids, pray for hearts that are cultivated, and for discernment.  We are raising the future, and then they have the responsibility to raise their future, wouldn't it be helpful if the first group were "trained" the right way??


If you are a "child" reading this, and you aren't acting right- STOP.  It's not cool, or hip or even epic, it's foolishness and a slap in the face of your creator.  I have been there, you're parents have been there (maybe), become everything we weren't, you won't regret it.

Send me and e-mail or text, we would LOVE to walk this journey with you.  :)

She's a keeper!